Doubting Thomas - Nickel Creek

I was listening to the Allen Hunt Show on the radio tonight on the way home from the grocery store. The topic that listeners were to call in about was your worst mistake, or the one you regretted the most. He said many times that there is nothing so bad that you can never get over it. That got me thinking of God's love for us and how it is unconditional. I think a lot, living alone, because if I wasn't thinking about something I guess I would have to be asleep or in some kind of zombie state or something. Anyway, those thoughts reminded me of this song. It expresses doubt in the faith you have. It is a song that can be sung as a prayer. You have probably caught on by now to my fondness of these songs.

I can listen this song section by section and relate to each one. The first speaks of doubts of life after death, which I have felt. Next, doubts that God is concerned about our well being (does He really know or care what is going on in my life?). This part also reminds me of this quote from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe - ""Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly."Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the Great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion."... "Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy. "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?  Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he is good. He is the King I tell you."" - this is a great illustration of Jesus.  The next section of the song is brilliant. Very well written and amazingly revealing and personal about the writer even though I think most followers of Christ have experienced the same thing. We ask for opportunities to share the Gospel (a slap in the face meaning that you are likely to be rejected by the ones you share with, and show the blind and tell the deaf I take to mean sharing when it is easy for us). The master of death line threw me off at first. That is not one you hear in reference to God very often. Then I looked at it as Jesus being the master of his own death, and it made sense. I love songs that are so well written that you want to dissect them to determine their meaning, or create your own meaning. Jeff Tweedy from Wilco wrote this line in his song What Light - "And if the whole world is singing your songs and all of your paintings have been hung just remember what was yours is everyone's from now on". The next section is powerful as well. It has applied to me both as a believer and a teacher. I had a good friend in the Army when I was in Iraq who was raised in a Christian home but was at the time an Atheist. We had nothing but time to talk there, and our conversations were often of religion (or philosophy I guess is more accurate). He had tremendous knowledge of the Bible and the Christian faith. Neither of us pushed our views on the other, in fact he saw that I was struggling and offered encouragement and advice that somehow worked even though he is an Atheist. Amazing how God works through those around you, huh? Those discussions were exactly I needed at the time to strengthen my faith that had been weak for a while. The last couple of years I can relate as a teacher. Worrying if I can teach effectively when I struggle as well, not so much with my faith, but with my personal relationship with God. Which leads to the prayer part of the song - "Please give me time to decipher the signs, please forgive me for time that I've wasted"

Doubting Thomas - written by Chris Thile from the album Why Should The Fire Die? (2005)

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath,
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me,
Will I discover a soul saving love,
Or just the dirt above and below me,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I took a promise,
But I do not feel safe,
Oh me of little faith,

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face,
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward,
If there's a master of death I'll bet he's holding his breath,
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power,
I'm a doubting thomas,
I can't keep my promises,
'Cause i don't know what's safe,
oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth,
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie,
Can I be lead down a trail dropping bread crumbs,
That prove I'm not ready to die,

Please give me time to decipher the signs,
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted,

I'm a doubting thomas,
I'll take your promise,
Though I know nothin's safe,
Oh me of little faith